


Lost Boys

by SihaSmiles



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst and Humor, But still includes humor, F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Mentione suicide, Mentioned Abuse, Tae is a loner, This is the work of sleep deprivation and depression, What Was I Thinking?, actual suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 09:19:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 15,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16870291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SihaSmiles/pseuds/SihaSmiles
Summary: "Sometimes when we lose ourselves, we find others."Kim Taehyung has never had many friends, and he really didn't think he'd have any until Oh Zuko appeared out of nowhere.And just maybe, she saved him.





	1. 一: Once In A Lifetime

Kim Taehyung had been met with many hardships in his life.  
First, his mom died when he was eight, then at fourteen his dad, and then he was sent to live with his grandparents.

He grew up living a mostly solitary life, away from the other kids for many reasons, most which he kept to himself.

He rarely spoke, and when he did, no one listened.  
Maybe that’s why he was in the predicament that he was in right now, his left foot inching it’s way off the ledge of a bridge.

He wanted so badly for it to end, to finally be free from all the pain he grew up with, all the teasing, people pleasing, all the mental and emotional turmoil he’d been in since he could remember.

He wanted it to be gone, he wanted it to be over, even if it meant taking his life.

Then he jumped.

Or tried to.

“Are you crazy!?” A husky voice boomed from behind him, slowly pulling him up by his hoodie.

“Maybe.”

“I thought I was stupid…” The voice muttered, pulling him over the railing with nothing but raw muscle.

“Thanks… for nothing.”

Suddenly a hand made contact with his shoulder.

The stranger had punched him.

“Most people are thankful, jerk.”

“Listen, dude. I don’t appreciate you telling me how to live my life.” He snapped, turning on his heals to come face to face with the stranger.

“Well, obviously. You can’t live your live if you aren’t breathing, can you?”

Taehyung bit his tongue, trying his hardest to refrain from any bitter comments.

The stranger was almost no stranger at all. She was the girl who stocked the 7-11 a block away from where he lived.

“Well, now that that’s settled, what’s your name?”

“Kim Taehyung.”

“Oh Zuko.”

Then silence followed, a silence so uncomfortable He had to talk.

“Sorry, about snapping at you.”

She laughed, a small smile on her lips as she shook her head.

“I’m just happy it didn’t happen again.”

“Again?”

Her smile fell, her shoulders slumped and her eyes stared down at her shoes intently.

“My brother, I watched him jump.”

“Oh.”

“Literally.”

Even though the mood was getting darker, like the setting sun, there was a faint hint of humor, a little piece of reassurance in the air as well.

“Well, I need to get going. And so do you, Kim Taehyung.”  
Then she walked away, headphones quickly being put in.

He wondered why she was nonchalant, even about everything she’d just seen. Death isn’t something you should be accustomed to, not when you’re as pretty as her.

He shrugged away his thoughts, walking back home, forgetting about his attempted suicide a few minutes prior.

He even had a smile on his face when he walked in the front door, his grandma in the kitchen, preparing dinner.

His grandpa was in the dinning room, setting out the dishes and utensils.

“Ah, Tae! Dinners almost ready, go get washed up.” His grandma said with a large grin, much like the one he used to wear.

“Yes, grandma.” He trudged up the stairs, his bare feet slapping against the hard wood.

His room was comfortable enough, cream walls, dark wood flooring, a bed pushed into a corner, a desk in front of a window and a closet off to the side.

He threw his hoodie and sweatshirt off onto the bed, opening the closet, he took the time to look at himself in the mirror.

He’d been in a fight a few days earlier and the bruises from it were still fresh, mostly large black ones on his ribs, but nothing more.

He was used to it, the pain, the ugly marks he’d acquired over the course of his twenty year lifespan.

What stood out the most were the little lines up his arm, where he used to trace blades over his veins.

He’d never asked for help, just for a release from the world.

He shifted through the sweaters until he found one, it was an oversized white sweater, one he often wore to sleep in.

“Tae, food’s ready!” His grandma hollered up the stairs, tapping on the wall.

He sighed, opening the door just enough to slip out before he closed it back, trudging back down the stairs.

He took his usual seat, the one right next to his grandpa.

“How was school?” his grandpa signed quickly, a smile on his lips.

“Good.” Taehyung said, a fake smile sneaking it’s way onto his face.

“Good.”

There was so much that Taehyung never told them, he didn’t want them to worry, didn’t want them to think he was crazy either. He didn’t know what to do anymore, he wanted to be okay. But he wasn’t.

He wondered if he’d ever be.


	2. 二: We're Destined To Meet

Taehyung let out a groan of pain as he stood up, wiping asphalt off his clothes.

He’d just been robbed.

Two blocks away from school.

On his way home.

For his grandma’s birthday.

They took his wallet, his phone, and the dupe tiffany’s jewelry he’d gotten for his grandma at the second hand store.

If it was possible to disappear, he definitely would have taken the opportunity to do so right then.

He didn’t want to go home, he didn’t want his grandparents to know he’d been hurt, he didn’t need them to worry about him.

He thought he was capable enough, he was a twenty year old after all, and that qualified him to be an adult.

So he thought.

But when you’re someone like Taehyung, age doesn’t qualify you to be anything.

One of his friends didn’t live too far from here, he figured he could get cleaned up then go home, at least.

He spit out a little blood, using his sleeve to wipe away the remaining blood oozing from his lips.

He took one deep breath before going on his way, limping all the way to his friends house, he knocked softly at the door, waiting for his friend to answer.

“Hello-Oh.”

“Hey, Namjoon.”

“Uh, hi, Taehyung.” Suddenly Namjoon was pushed away from the door, Mrs. Kim, his mother, taking his place.

“Stop talking to my son, you’re a disadvantage to him.”

“A disadvantage?”

“Yes. You’re no good, stop talking to him.” Then she slammed the door shut on him, Namjoon’s pleading with his mom audible from behind the closed door.

“But mom-“

“No buts, you’re better than him. You’ll always be better than him, and you don’t need someone like him always begging you for things!”

“He’s never asked for anything except company, and half the time I don’t even give him that. He’s a good kid, mom…”

“Then why is he always hurt? Why is he always knocking on our door? Why doesn’t he have any other ‘friends’ besides you?”

Taehyung had officially felt heartbreak.

Namjoon and him had been friends since fourth grade, and sure,

Namjoon wasn’t always around to talk to him, or even know if he was really hurting.

But he did know that Taehyung was lonely, that if nothing else, with him he wouldn’t be completely empty inside.

Taehyung didn’t ever like to admit his hurt, but for once, he did.  
It wasn’t verbal, but for once since his parents died, he let himself cry openly.

He let the sobs wrack his body as he walked home, pain coursing through every inch of his being, some physical, some emotional, but all of it ending up being mental pain.

He reached the ghetto part of town, the part right before his own neighborhood.

He stopped to lean against a stone pillar outside of a few apartments, trying to catch even the slightest of breaths.

“Are you alright?” There it was again, that husky voice.

“I’m fine.”

“You want help?”

“Does it matter if I accept or not?”

“No.”

“Fine.”

He let Zuko grab him by the waist, helping him support himself as they walked to her apartment.

It was a rather dull two bedroom apartment, with a kitchen/dinning room, one bathroom, and a living room that was only big enough for a desk.

“Take a seat.” She joked as she shut the toilet lid, setting him down on it.

~~~~

With the first kit emptied, and Taehyung bandaged she  sat him down at the two person table in the kitchen.

“Here, you probably want a fresh shirt.”

And she was right, the one he was currently wearing was stained with blood, and dirt, and other things he didn’t even want to think of.

“Thank you, for everything.”

“You’re welcome.” She walked out of the room, letting him change into the sweater she provided him with.

He knew he would be sore for several weeks to come with the beating he’d just gone through.

He thought it was humorous, the fact that Zuko just kept appearing out of thin air, always there to lend a hand.

Even if she was hurting too.

There were so many things that she held back too, but yet she didn’t seem like it.

Because underneath all of us, is more than meets the eye, and sometimes it’s between who wants to live, and who wants to die.

He was one of the people who wanted to die, and she did too, but she knew what pain that brings on people, the pain of someone taking their life away.

“Hey, I need to get to work soon. You want a ride home?” She asked, swinging her keys around her finger as she entered the kitchen.

“It’s fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Alrighty then.”


	3. 三: Someone Special

Taehyung was tired when he finally got home, still without his wallet, phone, or gift for his grandma.

Zuko had long since driven off and he had long since been standing on his front porch, wondering if they would notice the difference in his shirt, or the fresh bruises on his face.

Come to think of it he could probably have the bank shut down his cards, so he’d at least have some of his money left.

He’d just have to use the landline in the kitchen, if his grandma wasn’t in there.

Much to his surprise, they actually left a note for him saying that they went out for dinner.

He sighed in relief before calling the bank, asking them to shut the accounts down immediately.

Even after giving them all his information, confirming it was him twice, and telling them he’d been robbed.

They refused to close the account.

He had an exam coming up in two days, and the fact that he couldn’t buy supplies now, was not going to help with his stress levels.

His grandma always made him chamomile tea when he got really anxious, and he was hoping it could calm him down at the moment.

Much to his relief, it did, if only in the slightest.

He wasn’t a fan of the way it tasted, but it did calm him down and that was enough to make him drink it anyway.

Three cups in fact.

But along with calming nerves, it also has the effect of making people extremely sleepy.

Something Taehyung forgot as he settled down at his desk to do homework.

Within an hour he’d passed out, his pencil still in his hand and his face rested against his notepad, a little bit of drool spilling out the side of his mouth.

All in all, he was worn out from the previous events of the day, and it was understandable.

Meanwhile, Zuko was a whole other story.

She was currently sitting, yes sitting, behind the counter of the 7-11. A magazine in hand as the night wore on.

It was already 12am, it wasn’t surprising that the store was basically empty, and that she had nothing to do but catch up on the latest video games.

Because game informer was lit as heck when it came to passing time at the graveyard shift.

She’d already eaten dinner, which was really only a cup-o-noodle that had been rather unfilling.

But between school supplies, apartment rent, and trying to keep the fridge stocked, she had little money to eat while on shift.

She wasn’t even really supposed to be working tonight, but her friend had called in sick and she agreed to cover for her in order to repay a favor she owed for a while back.

A ding alerted her to a customer coming in, so she kept her head out of the magazine and more focused on the store.

Sure, they had cameras.

But they were just for show.

In all honesty, the person who came in didn’t pose a threat.

She looked like a college student much like Zuko herself, but with nicer clothes and the newest iphone which she could see sticking out of the girls back pocket.

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the girl, taking a look at her outdated flip phone, a Motorola no less.

Soon a blackberry smoothie, a pack of spearmint gum, and a phone charger were put on the counter.

“Find everything alright?”

“Yes.”

“Your total is 10.58.”

“Thanks.”

Then the girl paid and left, nothing out of the usual.

Except a note left on the counter.

Which was actually a doodle.

It was of Zuko sitting at the giant tree at her college, camera in hand.

Loved the pictures you put on exhibition for your assignment.  
-Liu Qiang.

Zuko found herself laughing a little. The girl Was a college student after all.

With those small words of encouragement she found herself wanting nothing more than to go out and take photo’s like she had planned to do before getting put to work.

She had only an hour left before her shift ended and she willed the clock to tock a little faster, if only for her sake.

There was another ding from the door, and in walked the one person she wished hadn’t.

“Hi, Zuko.”

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry about the other day, I just-“

“I’m not in the mood, Jungkook. I’m not a toy, and most of all, I’m not Your toy.”

“But I-“

“Go bug Aerri, hmm? How about that?” She said, picking game informer back up.

“I guess you really are mad at me if you have to occupy your time with work and game informer.”

“This is exactly why we broke up. You don’t even know my interests, you think you know me because you know all those other girls, but you don’t. I’m different from them, I don’t enjoy being strung along. I was a fool in the beginning for breaking up your last relationship, but to hell with it if you keep picking me as second best.” She snapped, her voice cracking a little.

She lost her brother barely two months ago, and now she was losing the only man she ever loved.

Life was cruel, she knew that much.

“Just go, please. I don’t want to deal with this right now.” She said calmly, feeling weak in terms of energy.

“Fine. But we’ve got to talk sooner or later.”

“Fine.”

Then he left, and nothing in the world would make Zuko ask him to come back, she already knew their relationship was done for.

She just wanted some time to calm down, maybe not want to punch him so much.

She’d wait to see how long that’d take.

But it’d never go away.


	4. 四: Someone Sweet

Taehyung woke up with a kink in his neck, and a half drooled on assignment that was due in less than two hours.

He rubbed his eyes, the corner of his mouth, and let out a grunt upon realizing just how sore he really was.

His grandparents had yet to check in on him, and he was thankful a bit for it, if not a little saddened too.

Deciding to ignore the pain that coursed through his aching bones, and bruised body, he made his way to the bathroom.

One look in the mirror and he shuddered.

Busted lip, black eye and a visible cut along his jaw.

He turned the water on, letting the steam fog up the mirror before he got in, letting his cares and worries wash down the drain, the sweet scent of pears filling his senses.

He didn’t know how long he was in the shower for, but he did know that he felt better afterwards, a little bit of the soreness subdued.

“Tae, breakfast is ready!” Grandma shouted from the stairs.

A sigh escaped his lip as he stepped out of the shower, his towel tightened around his waist.

He searched the drawers until he found his bb cream and concealer, trying his best to cover the black eye.

It still showed through the bb cream and concealer, but it at least looked like he ran into something, and not like he was brutally robbed the day before.

“Oh, your poor face! What’d you do?”

“I was cleaning my closet when an old baseball hit me in the eye.” He fibbed, it wasn’t the greatest lie he ever told.

But it had happened before, therefore it was entirely believable.

“You should put ice on it, Tae.”

“I will.”

“Well, better eat up. You’ve only got a few minutes before you have to get to school.”

“Will do.”  
  


Taehyung took his lunch period to go look through the new exhibition the art students had recently put up.

Everything from simple sketches to elaborate paintings and self developed photos lined the halls of the entire ceremony hall.

What caught his attention was a mini series, it featured a sketch, an oil painting, and a photograph.

In a way it told a story, a sketch that somehow evoked a sense of happiness, a painting that made everything feel dull, and a photograph that had him stopping in his tracks.

The bridge in which he was debating jumping off of, was showcased with a single rose on the ground, and a person with their back to the camera.

A single word was written on the display next to the students name.

Jump. By: Oh Zuko.

He stared at for a minute before a voice caught his attention.

“It’s good isn’t it?”

“Hmm.”

“She’s talented, Zuko. I guess that’s why she doesn’t talk a lot, she’s busy expressing her emotions and thoughts through art.”

Taehyung chuckled.

“She never seems to keep her tongue in check around me.”

“Then you’re one of the lucky ones.”

Taehyung turned around, facing the stranger.

“I’m Kim Taehyung.”

“Jeon Jungkook.”

“You know Zuko well?”

“I thought I did, but apparently I was wrong.” Jungkook said with a shrug, walking up to the exhibit. “I made some bad choices, and I’m pretty sure she hates me now.”

“I’m sure she’s just a little upset.”

“Would you be ‘just a little upset’ if you caught your girlfriend cheating on you with your best friend?”

“I’d have to have a girlfriend, or a best friend to start with. But yeah, I guess that would suck.”

Jungkook laughed a little, sparing a glance over at Taehyung.  
“You really are one of the lucky ones. You don’t have to worry about the love of a girl friend, or the loyalty of a best friend.”

“But what good does that do you? All it equals up to is an empty feeling.”

“Maybe you’re right. Nice to meet you, Kim Taehyung.” Jungkook strolled out of the room, hands in pockets.

Taehyung thought the whole encounter to be a strange one, but he didn’t really mind.

He imagines that some of the photos he saw turned face down at Zuko’s apartment were of them together, probably during happier times.

So many things clouded his mind, but none seemed more apparent than Zuko herself.

She had tan skin, sharp features and body made of curves.

He didn’t like to admit it, but he liked her.

He did like her, but he didn’t like her.

He thought that it would be too weird to.

But he was after all, a very strange person.

A cough caught his attention to a girl with her hair tucked under a beanie, and an over sized sweater over shorts, even though it was a chilly 45 degrees outside.

“I didn’t know you went here.”

“I could say the same for you. Nice exhibit, by the way.”

She smiled, nodding as she walked over, tilting her head to the side.  
“Funny thing is, I don’t expect to win. They say art is the easiest way to express yourself, but emotion is hardly noticed.”

“Art is simply for the sake of itself.”

“Oscar Wilde, right?”

“Yeah.”

Zuko laughed, her eyes crinkling at the sides, indicating that it was in fact a genuine smile that followed.

“Do me a favor, don’t say that to any of the other art students.”

“Noted.”


	5. 五: Someone Kind

Zuko had an unmistakable smile on her lips as she positioned her camera to her eye.

Snapping a few quick shots she internally congratulated herself on how well they actually turned out.

Whether or not Taehyung knew it, he was going to be the theme for her next project.

So far the snap shots had been going well, and he hadn’t seemed to notice her stalking him around campus.

It wasn’t until the lens caught a stray light that he noticed her, sending her into a sprinting frenzy away from the outside of the library where she had initially been lounging around.

“Do you always stalk people at school?” A deep voice said from behind her, making her freeze in her place, shoulders tensing.

“No.” She let her shoulders relax as she turned around, offering Taehyung a small shrug and pitiful smile.

“Can I at least see the photos you took without consent?”

“But-“

“Zuko…”

“Fine.”

Begrudgingly, she held out her camera towards him, telling him which buttons to press to see the photos.

He smiled a bit when he saw the first few, but then he let out a sigh, the corner of his lips turned into what Zuko could only describe as a sad smirk.

“They’re good.”

“But?”

“But nothing.” He cleared his throat, stuffed his hands in his puts on rocked back and forth on his heels. “I need to get to class. I’ll see you later.”

Zuko didn’t even have a chance to say bye before he was already walking away, hood now up as to cover his face.

Everything about the way he strutted away screamed hurt, but there wasn’t much Zuko could do for him.

Or anyone could do for that matter.

~~

Taehyung had felt different after seeing those photos of himself.

He looked happy in the first few, smiling up at the sun.

But the next ones, where he sat under a tree reading, they looked so solemn, so lonely.

He wondered if he looked like that to everyone, if all they saw was a lonely, maybe depressed, twenty year old who couldn’t get his crap together for the life of him.

He wondered how long it would be until he got a hold of himself, until he knew what to do.

He had a reason to live now, whether he knew it or not, Zuko was both his undoing, and his saving grace for the time being.

He couldn’t help but rest his head against his desk as the professor came in.

Looking up at the professor, Taehyung couldn’t help but notice the small smile that he gave him.

God. How pitiful was he?

A tapping on his shoulder made him turn to look at the boy sitting to his right.

“Do you have a pen?” He asked in a whisper.

Taehyung nodded and passed him an extra, which earned a grateful nod from the other.

“Thanks, Taehyung.”

That shocked him for a moment, the fact that the kid next to him actually knew his name.

He was shocked enough he actually sat up and took notes to keep his mind off of it.

The kid, returned the pen at the end of class with a smile.

“I’m Jung Hoseok.”

“Nice to meet you. Kim Taehyung.”

“I know.”

“May I ask how?”

“Namjoon’s friend. Right?”

The mention of his now ‘ex-friend’ made him feel a little melancholy.

“We were friends. But, not anymore.”

“Let me guess… Mrs. Kim?”

“Yeah.”

“Hehe, tough cracker that one.” Then Hoseok smiled, a rather mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Listen, Namjoon’s mom only likes the ‘elite’ of the town. She doesn’t even know that me or the others are friends with him. I’m holding a party tonight, at my place. You wanna join us?”

In total honesty, Taehyung had never been to a college party, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to now.

“I don’t know, maybe?”

Hoseok grinned.

“I’ll write down my address, and then if you decide to come…” He scribbled his address in the back of Taehyung’s notebook.

Taehyung just nodded before Hoseok ran out of the classroom, a certain bounce in his step.

Maybe Taehyung wasn’t as depressed looking as he thought, and maybe there was a chance for him to actually have friends.

Maybe his life wouldn’t just be loneliness anymore.

But he likely doubted it.


	6. 六: Someone Neat

Admittedly, Taehyung is a bit scared about how his first party is going to go.

Namjoon used to talk about how he and some of his friends would drink or smoke, and that's what's never really appealed to Taehyung.

But he finds himself on the front door of Hoseok's house at the designated time.

It isn't long before he's pulled inside, a drink being placed in his hand as he aimlessly wanders around the house.

There's only a handful of people here, but they're boisterous enough to be at least a hundred or more.

"Glad you could make it!" Hoseok yells over the music, which is most likely turned up to eleven. On a Samsung. "I was beginning to think you weren't going to come."

"Neither did I." Taehyung admits with a shrug of the shoulders and a small smile.

"C'mon, Namjoon's in the kitchen."

Taehyung can't help but follow the gangly red head through the house, stopping when he sees Namjoon sitting on the counter so different from how he usually is.

His typical dress shirt is a graphic t-shirt, his nice slacks are replaced by too tight black skinny jeans and he's got enough jewelry on to be a mannequin at Jared's.

"Taehyung, I was hoping you'd come!" Namjoon shouts when he makes eye contact with Taehyung, pulling him into a bear hug shortly after.

"You know me, life of the party..."

Namjoon laughs heartily, giving a warm and familiar smile after.

"I'm sorry about my mom the other day, she's been on my case recently. She's hoping I'll be able to get into Ivy League, and she's hoping that I'll do better if I don't have any distractions..." Namjoon does a quick eyebrow raise which shows just how much distaste he has for the thought of it.

"Well, hot diggity damn. If it isn't the queen on liquor herself." Hoseok says before running off, leaving Taehyung and Namjoon alone to talk about what's been happening for the past few days.

It isn't until Hoseok comes back in, dragging a girl who's laughing ear shatteringly loud that Taehyung realizes why he's never been to parties.

He hates them, but he loves his new friends.

"Namjoon, do you think you can get Dee to calm down? I think she took one to many puffs." Hoseok says, pushing the hysterical girl Namjoon's way.

It's a couple minutes of Namjoon whispering something in the girls ear before she calms down, letting him and Taehyung continue talking.

"I know you, you're the guy who's replacing Jungkook." The girl giggles from Namjoon's embrace, making direct eye contact with Taehyung.

"I'm not sure I follow?..." Taehyung says with his head cocked to the side.

"Zuko and Jungkook were dating, but he cheated on her. I recognize you from her photos, she talks about you a lot."

Yeah, Taehyung is definitely taken back by that statement, seeing as him and Zuko aren't exactly best buds.

"That's nice..." Taehyung says awkwardly, taking a small sip of the beverage he was given earlier.

Being the youngest in the room is intimidated enough, but when you don't know anyone there, it makes it so much.

Especially when your friends desert you in the middle of it.

"What are you, lost?" He can hear a voice say from behind him.

"Aren't we all?" He quips, turning to look at the new girl behind him.

She's fairly pretty, with light brown hair, dark eyes and a lithe body.

But she doesn't hold a candle to Zuko.

"I'm Taehyung, you?"

"Lee Aerri."

That's when it clicks.

He can recall the girl that had been snuggled up to Namjoon's chest making a comment about someone named Aerri, and that she's the one Jungkook cheated on Zuko with.

"Oh." Is all he can manage to say before she's already around the counter, hands splayed over his chest, a suggestive look on her face.

"I haven't seen you around before though, you new?"

"No."

"You don't usually come to parties, do you?"

"No."

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

And in a state of panic of what might happen next he answers with a quick and choppy, "Yes." Which only seems to worsen the situation.

"I bet she's not as pretty as me, or as good."

Theres a small cough which earns enough attention for Taehyung to look up.

Zuko is leaned up against the doorframe, drink in hand with a scowl on her face.

"Hey, babe." Taehyung says, giving her a wink to signal for her to play along.

"Aerri, I know I have good taste in men, but find your own." Zuko says with a huff of annoyance as she grabs Taehyung's wrist, dragging him into the other room, then upstairs.

It isn't until they reach the hallway that she lets go of him.

"You owe me." She says stiffly, tilting her head back, draining the contents of her cup in one swift motion.

"Agreed." He says softly, watching as she walks back and forth, seemingly rolling her neck to work out a kink in it.

"I assume you already know who Aerri is, if you've met Ju-Mie. She has a habit of talking too much when she's high."

Taehyung simply nods as Zuko sits down, fiddling with her hands.

"Funny thing, coming to a party to forget someone, only to be met with a harsh reminder."

Taehyung sits next to her, solely focusing on his hands which are folded over his knees.

"You okay?" He asks softly, looking over briefly just in time to see a tear making it's way down her cheek.

"I haven't been okay since I was born. I don't think I ever will be." She chuckles, shaking her head a little. "My brother used to tell me that I was so lucky, that I didn't have to live in that house for long. But I was there at the roughest point, and then he left me, and Jungkook... nobody stays. Nobody cares."

Given the fact that Taehyung has never had any siblings, or any friends it's no wonder he has no idea how to go about trying to comfort her.

He isn't sure if he should wrap his arm around her, grab or her hand or just simply say she'll be okay.

"I understand that life isn't easy, that it's not nice. If you want to talk, I'm willing to listen."

She looks over at him, every single light, every single hope and dream is gone from her eyes.

"Everyone says they're willing to listen, but the problem is, I don't know if I'm ready to talk..." She mumbles, not bothering to look away from her hands.

"Sometimes, life makes you do things, even when you aren't ready. You've got to prioritize what you need to take time for." Taehyung says softly, thinking about how he still hasn't said anything about his lifestyle situation with his grandparents.

"Easy for you, bet your family loves you." She mutters, looking away.

"Well, my parents are both dead, and my grandparents figure I can take care of myself for the most part."

It's that look that Zuko gives him that has him shifting uncomfortably in his seat. It's those narrowed eyes, slightly parted lips and her head tilted at just the right angle.

It sends shivers up his spine.

"Sorry."

"It's alright, you didn't know."

"Do any of us really know?"

Taehyung chuckles, his deep voice sending tingles down her back.

"Don't start getting philosophical with me, Zo."

She cracks a smile, a little laugh rising from the back of her throat.

"Zo, that's a new one."

"What, don't like it?"

She shakes her head, the smile never fading. "No... I love it."

The rest of the party is wild, yet calm. Zuko shows Taehyung how to toke, and in return he shows her the best places to not be bothered by anyone.

It's all rather eventful, and in some weird, effed up way, it's like the stars had aligned for them that night, like they were supposed to broken enough, just enough to need to be made whole again.

They itched to know if they would be, and they were getting closer to the answers.

But it wouldn't be the one they wanted to hear.

 


	7. 七: Someone Perfect

When Jungkook woke up this morning, he didn’t think that he’d spend the day with Zuko’s new boyfriend.

Taehyung had turned out to be quite fun, which was something Jungkook was actually a bit shocked about.

He’d expected Taehyung to be a rather dull, if not boring, person.

But Zuko never really liked that, she always wanted something wild and weird, something no one else liked.

Taehyung was the literal aesthetic life motto for Zuko, and while that did put Jungkook down a bit, he was happy for her.

He figured that Taehyung could bring her happiness that he never could, he could take her on adventures.

He could do something with her.

Something Jungkook never could.

“Kookie, foods getting cold!” He could hear his mom call from downstairs.

“Coming!” He put his phone down, unwrapping himself from the cocoon of blankets he’d been wrapped up in since he got home an hour and a half ago.

Truth be told, he didn’t much feel like eating dinner.

He would rather be back up in his room, scrolling through social media, pretending that he wasn’t some kind of absolute ass.

He’d treated so many people badly in the last month, he wasn’t sure he could count them all.

But he remembered all of them so vividly.

Suzu, college drop out, barista at a café downtown. One night stand.

Ruri, music major, only daughter. One night stand.

Taka, foreign exchange student, psych major. One night stand.

Hei-Seo, art major, record store cashier. One night stand.

Zuko, photography major, 7-11 cashier. Ex-girlfrind, cheated on, dumped.

Aerri, Zuko’s now ex-bestfriend, drama major. One night stand.

If regret and misery had a kid, it’d be the feeling that ran through every inch of Jungkook at the moment.

His mom took notice of the aura around him, yet remained quiet.

She had her own problems, and asking him about his wouldn’t make the situation any better for them.

“I thought dad was supposed to come home today, where is he?” Jungkook asked, slightly poking at the noodles in front of him.

“Working.” She replied softly, though her grip on her chopsticks only tightened.

“Typical.” Jungkook scoffed, rolling his eyes in the process.

“He’s still your father, Jungkook.” His mom chided, her voice slightly raised.

“No he isn’t. A father would come home at least every month!” He slammed his chopsticks down on the table and was about to get up, when a hand made contact with his cheek.

His mom had just back handed him, her ring cutting his cheek in the process.

“I’m sorry, baby… I’m sorry.” She cooed afterwards, pulling him into a hug.

It was like this most days at the Jeon household.

When Jungkook’s dad was home, he’d get angry with his mom, hit her and apologize.

But when his dad was gone, his mom would get angry, hit him, and say she was sorry.

Though it’d just happen again, day after day, night after night.

Sometimes Jungkook wondered why he stuck around, why he didn’t just get his own apartment, move out.

Oh, that’s right. It’s because if he does, who the hell is supposed to take care of his mom, or the house?

How about we just add the bills and taxes to that too?

His dad didn’t do anything except for drain the savings account, he barely brought any income from his work, and what he did, he spent on himself.

That’s why Jungkook couldn’t move out, he couldn’t live his own life.

Maybe if his life was a bit more stable, he could finally settle on a girl, he wouldn’t keep looking for someone to satisfy his ever changing needs.

But that time wasn’t now, he wasn’t sure it would ever, but he could hope.

That’s why he stayed with Zuko for so long, he thought that Zuko would solve his problems, keep him grounded.

But she didn’t, she was too wild in her own way, and too broken for him.

If he wanted to get his crap together, he needed someone who at least knew what crap he needed to get together.

He needed someone organized, and Zuko was about the most disorganized person he’s ever know.

Though he doesn’t like to admit it.

He wants to be able to take care of himself, and someone else.

He craves it almost.

But for now, he’ll just sit there, in his mothers arms.

Blood from a fresh cut, mixing with new tears.


	8. 八: And Someone Beat

When Taehyung woke up, he didn’t expect it to be sirens, but rather his alarm clock.

His body seemed  to go limp when he walked downstairs, his grandpa was being loaded into an ambulance, and his grandma was too distraught to even notice him.

He ran back upstairs, threw on clothes, and headed towards the local hospital.

When he arrived he found his grandma in the waiting room, a calm look on her face.

Relief.

“Grandma, what happened?” He asked, sitting next to her.

“Everything is alright, he just had another episode. Nothing serious.” She smiled, patted his leg, and then when to check something up at the desk.

It wasn’t uncommon for his grandpa to have ‘episodes’ as his grandma had put it.

He suffered nerve damage from some weird accident back in the eighties, and had spastic nerves ever since.

Sometimes, he swore he didn’t have all his limbs, or other times he be aware of his hands twitching.

It happened in the same accident that cost him his voice.

That’s another reason Taehyung didn’t have a car, come to think of it.

“Taehyung?”

“Hoseok-Hyung?”

“What are you here for?” Hoseok asked, walking over, slumping in the seat next to Taehyung’s.

“My grandpa, he has spastic nerves of sorts…”

“Ahh, I see.”

“You?” Taehyung asked, looking over at the red haired male.

“Don’t tell anyone, but Jin is here. He’s going through some therapy thing, it’s like chemo, but not as bad.”

“He has cancer?”

“Actually, he has a tumor on the back of his brain. He doesn’t like the treatment, but it’s either undergo the treatment, and get cured. Or, as Ju-Mie put it, get dead.” Hoseok explained, a small smile on his lips.

“Has it been working?”

“No idea. He actually didn’t want me knowing about it. I got a call a few hours ago, telling me that Jin was in the hospital, and I needed to come down and sign some papers.”

Taehyung raised one eyebrow, an uncertain look on his face.

“Why would you have to sign papers, you’re not his legal guardian.”

“Apparently without asking permission, the twit put me in charge of his health papers, if he was unable to do so himself. Considering he was basically in a coma at the time, I had to do it.”

Taehyung simply nods, confusion still prominent in his head.

“Do the others know?” Taehyung asks, looking over at where his grandma is talking to someone at the desk.

“I think he’s mentioned it to Namjoon a few times, but other than that, no. I don’t think so…” Hoseok trails off as a nurse approaches, giving him the all clear to go see Jin.

“Well, I hope you’re grandpa will be okay. Bye, Taehyung.”

Hoseok waves one final time before disappearing into the hallway, the doors closing tightly behind him.

“Tae, honey… you go home and get ready for school. I’m going to stay here with your grandpa…” His grandma said as she gave him a small smile.

“You sure?”

“Yes, now run along.” She made the shooing motion before he scurried out of the waiting room and to the parking lot.

He had to take the bus back to his house, it took longer than he thought it would, and if he didn’t get his things together quick enough he’d miss second period, and that would stain his school record.

He may not have liked school very much, but he did care about being there when he was supposed to be.  
  
  


“Hey, Taehyung-ah!” Zuko called after him, running from the far side of the quad.

“Hi, Zo.” He said casually, still trying to figure out the homework he’d been given twenty minutes prior.

Science sucked.

“I was wondering if you wanted to come to Toni’s with me after school, a friend and I are celebrating her son’s birthday.” Zuko said as she sat down across from him.

“I feel like I’d be intruding…” Taehyung said as he pushed the homework off to the side.

“Nonsense. She really wants to meet you, and I don’t want to have to sit through her asking why I still don’t have a boyfriend…” Zuko trailed off at the last part, flashing a smile at Taehyung.

“Does this make us even for the night of the party if I agree?” He asked, crossing his arms.

“Yes.” She replied quickly and certainly.

“Alright, I’ll do it. I’m interested in seeing the people you hang out with.” He said with a bit of mocking in his tone.

“Fine by me. Toni’s, 6:30 sharp. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Good. I’ve gotta get to drama class now, see you later, Taehyung.” She says with a wave before getting up.

“Bye, Zo.” He says as she walks away, turning around to smile.

He picks his homework back up, re-reading all the questions.

It only succeeds in making him feel dumber, if that’s even possible at this point.

“Hey, fancy seeing you here.” Namjoon says as he sits in front of Taehyung.

Today he’s in his usual attire, dress shirt, slacks, oxfords.

“Hey, Joon.” Taehyung says exasperated as he looks over the homework again.

“Let me see that.” Namjoon says before plucking it out of Taehyung’s hands.

He hums, looking over the papers before marking down several things on it.

“Alright, now that you aren’t stuck on homework. You free tonight?” Namjoon asks as he sets the paper down on the table.

“I’m going out with Zuko and her friend for a birthday at 6:30, but after that I should be free.” Taehyung says as he looks over the homework.

“That’s good. Meet me at Hoseok’s house at around eight-ish, okay?” Namjoon smiles before walking away, leaving Taehyung with multiple questions, to which he will never get any answers.


	9. 九: Past The Light

Taehyung sighs as he strolls up to the retro-wave style diner that sits maybe three blocks away from the school.

A large sign made of neon lights sits right at the front.

‘Toni’s Diner, 24\7.’

He opens the door, walking in before looking around to see if Zuko and her friend are there yet.

He spots Zuko off to the side, waiting in a booth.

Two presents are securely seated on the ground next to her, and four waters sit on the table.

She doesn’t notice him as he approaches.

“Hi, Zo.” He says softly, standing a good six inches away from the table.

“Oh, hey. Come, sit. Qiang and Tim will be here any minute.” She says as she scoots over, allowing him to sit beside her.

“So, anything I should know before meeting them?” He asks as he sticks a straw in his glass.

“Timothy isn’t actually Qiang’s son, he’s her nephew, but she is the legal guardian. Family is an extremely touchy subject for her. She owns a flower shop on the other side of town, she is one of the best artists in the school. She’s Chinese, so sometimes she doesn’t understand Korean very well.” Zuko nodded once she finished, taking a sip of water afterwards.

“Ok. Qiang and Timothy. He’s her nephew, she looks after him as legal guardian, she owns a flower shop. Don’t bring up family as much as possible, try not to use Korean slang. Got it.” Taehyung says as he stirs the ice around in the cup.

“Oh, I heard your grandpa went to the ER earlier. Is he okay?”  
It takes a minute for Taehyung to respond.

“Yeah, he’s okay. How did you know?”

She smiles, a faint hint of red tinting her cheeks.

“Hoseok told Ju-Mie, Ju-Mie told Qiang, Qiang told me…” She says as she looks away, trying to avoid the unneeded tension, and awkwardness.

“Auntie Zuko!” A little boy, who Taehyung can only assume is Timothy, says as he slides into the other side of the booth.

“Hi, Tim. Where’s your mom?” She asks as she looks around, not seeing Qiang.

“She’s outside, the car is acting bad.” He says quietly, as if the car was misbehaving like a child throws a tantrum.

“Ah, I see. Tim, this is my friend, Taehyung.” Zuko says as she motions over to Taehyung.

“Ah, nice to meet you, Ajussi.” Tim says politely.  
Zuko nearly spits her water out as she tries not keep from laughing.

“Tim, you know, Zuko is older than me. You should call her Ajumma.” Taehyung says as he looks at Zuko.

Zuko laughs, water slipping out of her mouth.

“Eww, gross!” Tim says as he wipes the water off his arm.

“Sorry, the car was acting up.” Qiang says as she slides into the booth beside Tim.

“It’s fine.” Zuko says as she watches Qiang readjust.

“Oh, hi,” Qiang says once she realizes Taehyung is there. “I’m Qiang.”

“Taehyung.” He says as he readjusts.

“How long have you known Zuko?” Qiang asks as she fixes something on Tim’s shirt.

“About two months now.” He says with a smile, though he can only recall the moment they met.

They never would have talked if he hadn’t of tried to jump…

“Well, I hope you’ve been treating each other well. Besides, it isn’t every day Zuko brings a friend to lunch…” Qiang sing songs as she smiles at Zuko, who is blushing rather hard come to think of it.

“Ok, ok. Let’s order and then we can further this conversation.” Zuko says before hailing a waitress down.

It’s barely five minutes after they order that their food is already being set before them in all it’s fattening glory.

And if Taehyung is being honest, Zuko’s pancakes are looking really good right now covered in strawberry syrup and whipped cream.

“You want some?” She asks once she notices his intense stare at them.

“Really?” He asks looks up at her with a smile.

“Yeah, here.” She pushes her plate towards him and lets him take a bite of the fluffy pancakes that are oh-so-delicious.

“Oh, God, those are really good!” He says once he swallows, she laughs a little, looking at his chocolate pancakes.

“Do you want to half and half?” She asks as she points to them.

“Yes.” Taehyung says before cutting his stack in half, sliding it over onto an empty plate before happily accepting the strawberry pancakes.

“You’re too cute!” Qiang says as she helps cut Timothy’s pancakes for him.

“Oh, uh.” Taehyung laughs nervously, realizing that what they’re doing could easily be mistaken for them being a couple.

Zuko looks at him and shrugs, happily munching away on her food, taking a drink of water once in a while.

“Ah, Taehyung, do you have any plans after this?” Qiang asks once she finishes the last bite on her plate, sipping on water to wash down the last of the crepe.

“I have plans to hang out with some friends later tonight.” He says with a small smile, a somewhat nervous chuckle escaping his lips after.

“Ah, no worries. I was just gonna see if you wanted to come to the movies with us, the new justice league movie is out.” She says before smiling.

“Oh, before I forget.” Zuko says before placing the two presents onto the table in front of Timothy. “I got you these.” She says happily.

“Thank you, Auntie Zuko.” He says happily, untying the bows before opening the first sack.

Inside is a dinosaur hoodie, a t-rex to be exact, and from the looks of it, Tim isn’t going to ever take it off.

“Rawr!” He shouts, happily curling up in the hoodie.

“Whats in the other sack?” Qiang asks him as he begins to untie it.

“Look, Mom, now I can grow up to be like you!” He says as he holds up a book about flowers, something he’s been interested in ever since Qiang took him to the flower shop.

“I can teach you all about the flowers now, isn’t that so fun?” She says as she flips open the first page, looking at the first flower that appears.

“Look, it’s your favorite flower, Tim.  Do you know what they’re called?” She asks as taps on the photo.

“Sunflowers.” He says happily, reading over the information about them.

“And what color are they?” She asks, looking at him warmly.

“I can’t tell, but everyone says they’re yellow!” He says happily, looking up at Qiang with so much joy it actually makes her hurt.

Taehyung looks at Zuko, then back at Tim.

Zuko hits his arm, showing him what she’s typed in her memo pad on her phone.

‘He’s color blind. It’s hard for him to tell which colors are what.’

Then she turns her phone off, sliding it back in her hoodie pocket before turning her attention back to Qiang and Tim.

“Oh, what time do you need to be going?” Zuko asks once she looks at the clock.

“Uh, I’m supposed to be there by eight.” He says as he looks up at the clock, showing it to be 7:45 already.

“Okay, Qiang, I’m gonna drop him off, and I’ll meet you at the theater, okay?” Zuko says as she collects her things, paying for her and Taehyung’s bill.

“Yeah, yeah. Don’t be late, or I won’t share my popcorn.” Qiang says before Tim says bye and they’re getting in the car.

“You didn’t need to drive me, I could’ve walked.” Taehyung says once Zuko buckles herself in.

“Nonsense. Where are you headed?” She asks as she starts the car, a low humming filling the cabin.

“Hoseok’s house.” He says, watching as she shakes her head softly.

“As much as I love Hoseok, and I love Ju-Mie, if they’re there together, and it’s past 8:30, you don’t stand a chance.” Zuko says before she pulling onto a second street.

“What do you mean?” Taehyung asks as he begins to grow uncomfortable.

“I mean, that Hoseok and Ju-Mie don’t exactly have the cleanest records, you know that already, don’t you?”

“I kinda figured that out from the first time I met her, and once I saw the party he threw.” Taehyung says as he recalls when Ju-Mie had jumped on the table at Hoseok’s and started dancing like there was no tomorrow.

“Yeah, well here’s the sad part: They’re the tamest ones.” She says before parking in front of the house, looking at the three other cars in the driveway.

“Just don’t get in trouble, Taehyung. I really don’t need you getting hurt again.” Her tone is softer, and theres a somewhat small frown on her lips as he unbuckles his seatbelt.

“Believe me, I won’t get hurt if I can help it.” Then he’s gone, disappearing into the house without another word.

“I should’ve made him stay.” She whispers, looking at the house one last time before pulling out, scolding herself because she already knows how it’s going to end.

Bad.


	10. 十: Through The Dark

“Where am I?” Taehyung mumbles as he sits up, rubbing his head which is throbbing violently, like a thousand waves hit the shore all at once.

“Oh, thank God you’re up. I though you were dead for a second.” A familiar voice says from above him, their silhouette slightly disfigured.

“What happened to me?” Taehyung asks as he rubs his eyes, trying to get them to focus properly.

“You got a little too…”

“Turnt?” Another figure offers from off to the side, reclined in what he thinks is an armchair.

“Yeah, turnt. Anyways, you crashed once we got back.” Now he’s able to focus, and he can see the figure above him is Namjoon, and the one in the chair is Ju-Mie, an icepack is resting on her left shin and she looks rough.

“What did we do last night?” Taehyung asks as he looks at his hands which are covered in several different hues of blue and yellow. His joints hurt and he’s pretty sure that he’s seeing double in his left eye.

“Well, Hoseok convinced you to drink, and things went down hill from there. It was supposed to be game night, but ended with you, Ju-Mie, Hoseok and I, vandal-“ Namjoon is cut off by a wild Hoseok stumbling into the room, looking worse than death itself.

“Hey, guys…” He says before plopping down on one of the couches, using a pillow to cover his face.

“Oh, God. I’m in so much trouble, I need to go check on my grandparents.” Taehyung says once he remembers that his grandpa is in the hospital, and he didn’t come home last night.

“I’ll drop you off.” Namjoon says as he helps Taehyung off the couch, leading him through the halls and down the front stairs.

“Listen, Taehyung, I’m really sorry about what happened. I thought Hoseok was gonna be able to reel it in about a thousand yards, I thought he could get a grip on himself. I’m really sorry if this effects you.” Namjoon says as he slides into the drivers seat, his voice soft and melodic.

“Thanks, Joon. I trust you, you wouldn’t ever do something to endanger either of us.” Taehyung replies, looking out of the window at the house, the yellow painted wood looking so happy with the white trimmings.

It seems like forever until the car comes to a stop, Taehyung’s slightly run down house silently judging him for not coming home.

“Thanks for the ride, see ya’ soon.” Taehyung says as he hops out of the car, limping slightly as he walks towards the front door.

The house is silent when he walks in, the tv is off, his grandma isn’t in the kitchen, and the floorboards have seemingly stopped squeaking too.

Taehyung edges his way into the kitchen, looking for a note from his grandma, seeing if she noticed him absence, or if she came home at all.

To no great surprise, he doesn’t find a note, or a voicemail on the landline, just a whole lot of nothing.

He closes his eyes, heaves a deep sigh, then goes upstairs to get a shower and maybe make breakfast.

Thankfully today is Saturday, which means he doesn’t have any school things to tend to. He can finally relax like the good ole times.

He stops next to his desk, turning on the radio and his speakers before stripping and getting into the shower, the warm water seemingly washing away all his cares just like how it had done so many months ago when he got mugged and Zuko had helped him out.

He dries off before stepping out of the shower, wrapping the towel around his waist before going to look for clothes.

It’s the vague sound of a doorbell that has him scrambling to slide on boxers and pants, forgoing a shirt and rushing down just in case it’s important.

He opens the door quickly, revealing a more than humored Jungkook who only chuckles upon seeing a shirtless Taehyung with soaking wet hair.

“Oh, hi.” Taehyung says before grabbing one of his hoodies off the coat rack, throwing it on as he leans his lower body behind the door.

“Hi. I came to see if you were free today? But it looks like you’re either busy, or you just woke up.” Jungkook says bluntly, a small smile on his lips as Taehyung nods.

“Namjoon invited me over to Hoseok’s last night. Never. Again.” And the only thing Jungkook does is nod before a car clicking is heard from behind them.

Jungkook’s eyes close as he hears the familiar sound of keys jangling.

“Oh… Hi, Jungkook.” She says with a roll of her eyes, looking over to Taehyung, sighing. “If you’re busy, I’ll come back later.” She says before turning to leave.

Taehyung can feel the tension from the two growing, and he knows it’s because they split on bad terms.

“It’s fine, Zuko. I’ll just be on my way.” Jungkook gives Taehyung a slight head nod before getting in his car and driving off.

Zuko heaves a deep sigh and turns to face Taehyung. “About what happened yesterday, with Hoseok and Ju-Mie…” She says picking at her fingernails a bit.

“What about it?” Taehyung asks, still shielding himself behind the door.

“You didn’t get hurt, did you?” She asks, a small and timid demeanor replacing her usually forceful and brash one.

“I’m fine. Bruised with a headache, but I’m fine.” Taehyung says, and Zuko nods, giving a small smile.

“I… I was wondering if you wanted to come to the museum with me, there’s a new art exhibit and I thought it be nice to go…”

Taehyung looks at the clock, then at what he’s wearing.

“Give me two minutes, and then we can go.”

She smiles, a genuine smile that shows her crooked canine tooth that makes her look so cute.

“Okay, I’ll be waiting here.”

Taehyung nods before running up the stairs, tripping over the last step before he bursts into his room, ransacking his drawers to find his pants.

“Why is it always so hard to find pants when you need them the most!” He whisper shouts, pulling an old pair of black skinny jeans from his dresser.

It proves tough to get them on, seeing as his thighs have apparently grown since he last wore them, and they’re a bit snug for his preference, but he just wants to get back to Zuko so she won’t have to wait too long.

But the sad truth about that is, she’d wait there all day for him if she had to.

He had no idea what was in store for him after this one small and simple trip to an art exhibit.

“Alright I’m done.” Taehyung says once he’s out of the house, locking the front door as he turns to Zuko who smiles and nods towards her car.

“Let’s go.”


	11. 十一: I Fell In Love With Someone Like You

Taehyung watched as Zuko’s eyes lit up the moment they stepped into the new art exhibit.

Everything inside the museum was actually pretty interesting, or perhaps it was the way Zuko became animated when she talked about certain paintings and artifacts, her hands flailing about.

“Oh! I love this one.” She has as she moves towards a mostly purple painting.

Upon closer inspection, Taehyung can see it’s actually a field of delicately painted lavender, a small house lay in ruins further back in the picture.

“In 1953, Josef Hans painted this picture. He was a Russian-Norwegian that lived in Prague. They say that this is supposed to be the house he grew up in after the war, but no one is really sure.” Her voice is soft when she speaks about, and her eyes scan the painting intensely.

Taehyung can’t help but smile at the way she bounds from painting to painting, sculpture to sculpture.

It’s cute and endearing to him.

“They doing a raffle for schools, whichever school wins gets to choose three of their art students to make a piece to put on exhibit until next year!” Zuko says before grabbing Taehyung’s hand, pulling him to the raffle stand where she realizes what she’d just done.

“Sorry, I sometimes forget personal space…” She says as she lets go of his hand, shuffling towards the booth to sign her colleges name.

Taehyung stares at his hand, then back to Zuko before laughing a little, walking up besides her to sign up for the raffle.

“By the way, Zo, holding hands doesn’t bug me all that much.” He says casually, watching as she looks up at him with a mix of skepticism and wonder.

“Noted…” She mumbles, walking away quickly.

He sighs, jogging slightly to catch up with her.

He reaches down and connects their hands, swinging them back and forth slightly, and he can see the red on her cheeks as she lowers her head away from him.

“Let’s just get to the European section already.” She mumbles, pulling him in the direction of the classic art, not the modern stuff with which they’d been occupying themselves with.

“The museum will be closing in an hour.” A woman over the P.A. said, and Zuko groaned a little as she moved onto the next painting.

“If you want, we can come back some time.” Taehyung suggests, and Zuko smiles at him, but there’s something underneath it that says she’s a little further from happy than she’d like to admit.

“Unless you’re willing to come back again tomorrow, then we won’t get to do this. The exhibit is closing down and moving onto the next museum…” Zuko says, sighing as she looks around at the paintings.

Taehyung pulled his phone out, typing in the exhibits name into the google search engine.

“It’ll be at DaeSae college next, it’s not too far from where you live, maybe we could visit there?”

And Zuko only shakes her head slightly.

“I promised myself I wouldn’t go back there after my brother died…” She mumbles, walking onto the next painting, a man and woman lay in a wheat field, it’s early 1900’s and Zuko just wishes that life seemed as pleasant as the painting.

“It’s going to Jeju island after that, if you’re willing to go then.” He suggests simply, watching as she shakes her head.

“Too costly. I’m working as a cashier for 7-11, and I’m an art student. I don’t exactly have 1,000 dollars just to get there and stay in a hotel for one night. From the looks of it, neither do you.”

He smiles, chuckling. “Fair enough. The next exhibit they’re putting on is  for colorblind awareness, it look’s pretty cool if you’re interested in going.” He says as he holds out the phone, watching her expression turn back to that Cheshire like grin.

“I’ve heard about this. Two Chinese students in Busan started this, I didn’t think it’d get much attention.” Zuko says with a renewed happiness.

“So, it’s a date then?”

“Yes!”

It takes Zuko a moment to realize the exact thing to which she agreed to.

“Wait, like a friend’s outing, or a literal date?”

Taehyung shrugs. “I’m fine with either, I’ll leave it to you to decide. Though, I will note that the latter sounds nice.”

Zuko turns crimson, nodding slightly. “A date it is.”

“The Seoul Museum of Art is now closing, have a lovely evening and thank you for coming.”

Zuko smiles and blushes again as Taehyung grabs her hand, walking her out of the museum with a renewed sense of pride in himself for finally ‘asking her out’ which he technically did and didn’t do the way he wanted to.

But he asked, and that was good enough for him.


	12. 十二: But We Were Straying

_“You have, one, new message.”_

“Hi, Zukie, it’s your mom. I know you don’t want to hear from me right now, or probably ever, but it’s about your dad. He was driving home from work last night and fell asleep at the wheel. The funeral is next Wednesday at twelve o’clock if you want to come. He may have been harsh, but he was still your dad.”

Zuko pulls the phone away from her ear and it falls from her hand onto the floor, and she can’t help but drop to her knees.

She may not have liked her dad, may not have loved him after all the things he’d done to her and her brother, but it didn’t mean she was happy he was dead.

Yeah, sure, she may have mumbled a few times when she was angry, but she didn’t actually want him dead.

Just about the time she pulled her knees to her chest her phone beeped.

_ Tae: We still on for the museum? _

It took everything in her to reply.

_ Zuko: I had some family issues come up, I’m going to have to take a rain check. I’m sorry. _

Within an instant he replied.

_ Tae: It’s okay, I understand. I hope it clears up soon. _

If only he knew the extent of which this event would hurt Zuko.

Her mom had been out of her life since she was little, maybe four or so?

She can’t recall the exact details of it, but she remembers the day her mother left her on the front porch with a note and one small backpack full of clothes.

Had it not been for Sehun, she would’ve probably died at a much younger age.

Sure, their dad was a brute, and mean and abusive brute, but there were days which he wasn’t drunk, those were the days he’d smile and laugh,  like he hadn’t throw beer bottles at Sehun the night before.

Sometimes Sehun would dilute the alcohol and their dad would be fine until his friends invited him out, and then it was back to bottle throwing, name calling, and when evoked, it evolved him punching, or burning them with cigarette butts.

She still has the scars on her stomach, where the heat had burned away parts of her flesh when she was no older than eight.

She’s amazed she’s lasted this long to be honest.

She thought she’d go crazy before getting to this point.

But maybe it would be after this point in which she’d go crazy.

Four months ago she lost her brother, to a place called heaven.

Two months ago she lost her boyfriend, to a girl named Aerri.

And today she lost her father, to the fiery depths of hell.

This would be what pushed her over the edge, what gave way to the never ending trail of hurt that the Oh family would leave behind.

The worst part was, she knew it, but she didn’t care to try and stop it.


	13. 十三: And We Got Lost

It had been two weeks since the last time Taehyung had seen Zuko, and he was getting worried to be honest.

She wasn’t at her job, manning the counter at 7-11 during the oddball hours late at night.

She wasn’t at school, stalking him to get photos for the upcoming art exhibit that was soon to take place.

She may, or may not, be home, but she never answered the door no matter how many times he knocked, and it frightened him in a way he never thought could.

He’s only ever worried about losing one of his grandparents, God, he can’t imagine trying to live life without them.

But Zuko, where does he begin to describe the pain with which is now filling every ounce of his heart, his being, everything aches with a longing to know what’s happened to her.

But he doesn’t know.

No one will tell him.

He’s alone, searching for a girl who has seemingly vanished off the face of the earth in a way he didn’t know was possible outside of the cinema.

Sighing as he walks around the park adjoined to the school’s acreage, he decides to call her, just to leave a message and be done with it.

“Hi, Zuko… It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, and I’m wondering how you are. I’ll be honest when I say that I miss you, a lot actually, more than I thought I was capable of. And I know you said you had some family problems to attend to, though you never told me what, or how long it’d take, but I’m really starting to worry.” He took a long breath as he settled down by a large oak tree.

“I know I’m not the best friend you could have, I barely talk to you in more than a few short abrupt answers that always end vaguely, but I at least want to let you know that I’m here for you. Sure, I know that I’m maybe not the best influence on you, our first meeting was me trying to kill myself and all, but I like to think that you changed me within these past two painstakingly long months. And I won’t lie and say I didn’t feel a pang of sadness when you had to cancel our plans, or when you stopped texting me back. And hey, who knows, maybe you’re out of state or you broke your phone or some shit like that. All I’m trying to say is that I miss you, I hope you’re okay, and I seriously think I’m in love with you. Though, we both know that isn’t good for either of our health. I’ll stop now.” And with that final, cringey and awkward phone message, he turned off his phone and slid it into his pocket, watching as students filed out of the school past him.

One caught his eye in particular.

Jung Hoseok was a scowling mess to say the least, and Qiang, Zuko’s single mother friend, is hot on his heels, yelling at him.

Whether or not the pair knew it, nearly the entire courtyard/quad, was staring at them before Hoseok turned around, placing his hands on Qiang’s shoulders before saying with such a fierce presence, that Qiang started crying before she said something that put him in his place.

Qiang walked away crying, her hair whipping in the wind, and all the two boys could do, was watch.

Hoseok took a deep breath before shouting something to the sky before following after her, and Taehyung followed for whatever reason that had possessed him to.

“Qiang, wait up. I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have said that.” Hoseok says as he jogs after the girl, and she stops briefly, her feet backing off the sidewalk as she gives him the finger before a screeching sound like no other broke through the air.

Someone screamed as her body hit the asphalt, Hoseok was by her side right after, and no later than when the car had peeled out of the parking lot, was Taehyung dialing the police.

“Yes, hello. My friend was just hit by a car at ADM college, I don’t know if she’s breathing.” The dispatcher told him to be calm and keep a close eye on her as they monitored her condition and while Taehyung tried his best to keep his shit together, Hoseok was a whole other story.

Hot tears were streaming down his face, his eyes already red and puffy, and it was as if he had forgotten how to speak as he held Qiang’s hand, blood already pooling around her body.

Finally, Taehyung understood why Zuko had done what she’d done.

It’s the trauma of seeing someone you know fine one minute, underneath a car the next, and then laying in a pool of their own blood as someone cries.

Because even if it isn’t you that’s hurting once it’s all said and done, there is always going to be someone who cries, whether that person admitted to liking you and was a friend, or someone who despite hating your guts, never wanted to see you dead.

Within an instant both Qiang and Hoseok were being whisked into the ambulance, and Taehyung was left on the sidewalk of the school, staring at the red stained concrete.


	14. 十四: Before We Were Found

Jungkook had never felt regret like he did right at the moment in which he stepped into the hospital room.

Qiang, a distant friend, was wrapped up in a body cast from head to toe, monitors and wires hooked up to every single inch of her.

He hated to see anyone like this, he hated to be reminded of those things which he had buried so deep in the recesses of his mind.

All he could think about when he looked at her was his sister, Eul-Hei.

He blamed himself for that, the reason which she ended up there, wired up just like Qiang was.

He blamed her for the reason that their dad left, and yet he only blamed himself for the entirety of it.

Eul was six feet under, and it was his fault.

“You’re looking a little pale, are you okay?” Taehyung asks, resting his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m going to go out for a bit. I’ll talk to you later.” He says softly, glancing at Qiang one last time before leaving.

He couldn’t shake the overwhelming presence that he needed to go back to Zuko’s apartment.

So, he went.

His body stiffened at the sight of the faded baby blue paint and old concrete railings that lined each floor.

Starlight Apartments is what it read on the side of the building.

He took a deep breath as he started up the stairs, seeing as the elevators had read ‘out of order’ on both of their doors.

Her door came into view, and he knew that she’d been there recently, because the numbering on her door had been touched up, and he knew that no one else would ever use bright red paint to fix it.

He reached above the doorframe, grabbing a solid piece of metal that fit into the lock.

The door swung open easily, and he could feel the whole atmosphere had changed since the last time he’d been in there.

It’d been the night that they’d broken up.

Every photo they’d ever taken, while they were still on the shelves, were placed face down, and he’d be lying if he said it didn’t hurt just a little.

He took his time to walk through the living room, reliving every memory made in that room.

It was the first place he’d kissed Zuko, the first place he ever meant it when he said he loved her, and the first place he’d seen someone feel heartbreak.

He’d been there the day that Sehun had jumped off the bridge, waiting for her to get home from the hospital, waiting with nothing more than the hope that she’d be okay.

He had loved her, and in a way he still did, he just couldn’t show it the way he was supposed to.

Finally, he made his way into her room.

The bed was half made, half slept in, and he knew that no one else would ever leave photos and poetry spread across their bed.

Zuko was an exception about everything he ever knew, and it was no surprise to him when he saw the paper on the desk, each with a name written haphazardly on the top.

Qiang.

Hoseok.

Namjoon.

Taehyung.

Jungkook.

She’d even written one for him, and he couldn’t help the tears that slid down his face.

“What are you doing here?” A rough voice asks from behind him.

“I had a feeling, like I needed to be here.” He says, turning to look into the pale brown eyes he used to see so much in.

But they were dark now, no light left in them, no life, no hopes, no dreams, just complete nothingness.

He couldn’t help the feeling that he caused that, caused this whole thing to happen.

“Listen, Jungkook, I’m not happy about the way we ended things, nor the way I’ve been acting towards you. I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you, and I know this is a bit weird but I made these for a few others, and for you.” She says, picking up a letter with his name on it.

“In about a week or two, read this. It’ll make sense, and I hope it’ll explain some things, and I understand if you want to throw it away… but please don’t. I haven’t always told you everything, and they are explained in that.” She says, sliding the letter into his hand.

“I… I wanted to apologize myself, for what I put you through. I still love you, in all honesty, I really do. But I couldn’t, and still can’t, show you in the way I should. I’m sorry, please, I know this is inappropriate for me to say, but please come back. I know that you won’t do it for me, but I think you should do it for Taehyung, he won’t admit it, but he misses you, I see him checking his phone every hour, waiting for a call he knows won’t come.” Jungkook lets the silence fall around them softly, watching as she tugs an unfamiliar sweatshirt tighter around her.

“I understand, and I’ve been thinking about it. But, please… can you go?” She takes a breath, pushing her hair back slightly.

Jungkook misses that, the way she pushes her hair back, when she seemed so much more at ease.

“Okay, then… I’ll be going, just, please come back. We all miss you. Bye…” And with that final statement he leaves, and he knows that something inside of him is telling him not to, but he can’t help it.


	15. 十五: All We Were

A week, a solid week, had passed since Qiang ended up in the hospital, in a coma with a full body cast after being run over by the car.

The culprit had yet to be caught, and everyone doubted they would be at this point, even Taehyung and Hoseok themselves.

Zuko, during those long seven days, had still not made an appearance, and due to that, Taehyung had been on edge the entire time.

On the brighter side of things, his grandpa was now home and he was seeming to be doing fine, with his grandma’s help of course.

Jungkook had come to visit Qiang once, said they went to junior high together, he didn’t elaborate much more before dropping off some yellow and white roses.

Friendship and Innocence, ironic coming from someone like him to be honest.

Jin, had come to visit too, after that visit, he’d gone to receive surgery for his treatment, they’d not heard a word from him since.

Namjoon, on the other hand, already settled to pay all of her medical bills without skipping a beat. Qiang originally came to Seoul in a foreign exchange group when they were in high school, and he had convinced her to talk to her parents about moving to Seoul permanently.

So, if you asked Namjoon and Qiang what their relationship was, without a doubt, they’d answer family.

He came to see her as often as he could, bringing an assortment of flowers from the shop which he was trying to keep up with, meanwhile, Mrs. Kim, despite being a cranky and mean woman, was caring for Timothy as if he were family because she had come to respect Qiang.

“I’m going to go home for a bit, my family is worried I’m going to crash soon, do you mind?” Hoseok says, standing up as he points to where Qiang rests.

“Go, you need rest. I can handle it, and I’ll call you with any updates I receive.” Taehyung says before ushering his friend out.

“Thank you, I really appreciate this.” Hoseok says before he bows out, closing the door while Taehyung settles himself down on the couch.

He watches the clock tick down.

Seven thirty-four.

Seven fifty-six.

Eight twenty-three.

And it just keeps on ticking.

He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to sleep right about now, and he’d be a compulsive liar if he said he wasn’t resting his head on the chair so he could sleep peacefully.

So, with a pull of his hoodie to tighten around him, he let himself be lulled asleep by the heart monitor that beeped softly.

Too softly.

Much too softly.  
  
  


“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, I’ve been dealing with my own problems, and now I’ve caused this by being selfish, didn’t I? I should’ve stuck around, and you could’ve called me instead of getting into a fight with him, and then you wouldn’t be here looking like a once great pharaoh.” A familiar voice whispered.

Taehyung, who was now just stirring awake, could barely make out the silhouette of the figure standing by Qiang’s bed, a bright red hoodie pulled over them.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a crappy friend, and that I haven’t been here for you, or any of the others. I know you love me, and you would forgive me, but I can’t forgive myself. That’s always the worst isn’t it?” She rambled on, raking her fingers through her hair.

“I’ve written some letters to everyone I’ve wronged in the past, and then a few for good measure, and I hope that when you wake up and read yours, you’ll understand it. I really wish you the best of luck Qiang, I really do.”

Then she was gone.

As long as it took for Taehyung to get up and out of the chair, he already had Hoseok on dial.

“Is something wrong?” Hoseok asked through the other end, his voice still laden with sleep.

“No, Qiang is fine. But Zuko just came to visit, and I want to follow her, I can’t lose her this time, please understand.”

And it’s that moment of silence that follows in which Taehyung breaks into a sprint as Zuko makes eye contact with him once the elevator door closes.

“Look, you lost her once, don’t lose her again.” Hoseok says before the line goes dead, and that’s all Taehyung needs before he rushes down the stairwell.

It’s a good ten flights of stairs down to get to the first floor, and he’s doing a bit more than two steps at a time as he rushes to get to her.

But damn it all to hell.

He used to enjoy Christmas, until now, when all he needs to do is find Zuko in her red hoodie, but everyone has decided to wear red too.

He runs towards the entry, catching a slight glimpse of her as she exits the building.

He knows it’s now or never, and he’s not afraid of the outcome for once, not afraid that he can make anymore mistakes.

Within the few seconds that he breaks into a sprint across the street, snow falls, obscuring his vision in a white flurry that chills him to the bone.

He continues to run after her, and she seems to know it too, seeing as she quickens her pace, ignoring if she runs into anyone.

“Zuko, please stop running, I can’t do this anymore!” Taehyung shouts finally, and she stops, turning around to look at him.

“You think I like doing this? You think I want to do this? All I want is to see my brother again, to feel like I’m not dead. I tried to pretend, and it’s been nearly half a year, and I know it’s not a long time, but some pretty shitty things have gone on in those last months.” She says with a fire behind her eyes.

“Was I just another shitty part of that?” He asked, stepping towards her, watching as she took as many steps back, as he did forward.

“I wish you were, it would make it so much easier on me, and on you for what I’ll do next.” And Taehyung couldn’t process what had happened in the next full minute.

She ran up to him, grabbed his cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss, which he’d managed to respond to.

He thought that was all, that it was over.

But he was so wrong.

“I’m sorry I’m doing this to you, and I know I’m a hypocrite, but I did love you, I do love you, Kim Taehyung.” She says as she backs away.

“But I don’t love life, and it doesn’t love me. I’m sorry.”

Then she jumped.

She grabbed the rail, slung her foot over, and leapt into the river which Taehyung had tried to do so many months ago.

It took him a moment to process it, and  when he looked over, he could see the abyss with which she had disappeared into.

Ice covered the lake, and in the middle of the ice right below the bridge, was a small hole, a little blood spatter, and beneath all that ice, the body of a girl he had come to love.

All because she jumped.


	16. Epilogue: Is At A Loss

No one knew how to deal with Zuko’s death.

Hoseok, had known her briefly during their first year together, and thought that she was the brightest thing in his life at the time.

Qiang, who was now out of her coma, but still in the hospital, said that Zuko was indeed like a sister to her.

Namjoon, despite having his differences with her, said he never admired someone so much for their dreams.

Jin, who while never knowing Zuko personally, said that she was one of the best artists he’d ever seen.

Jungkook, besides Taehyung, was probably the most heartbroken.

He felt that by cheating on her before breaking up with her, he had caused her to spiral further than she ever would have if they’d never met, and he felt like he was the only one to blame.

Taehyung?

He didn’t know what to feel.

He just didn’t feel anything if that made sense.

He missed Zuko, her laugh, her voice, the way she tried to persuade him with a small smile that literally made his day.

But he missed so much more than what she was on the outside, he missed the way she got philosophical when she was down, or when she got so excited over a piece of art.

How she liked to take shots when she didn’t care, and how she knew where to make it hurt.

He missed Zuko as a whole, not just for one thing.

But he missed her love the most of all.

Whether or not he actually ever felt her true love for him, he missed the feeling of love he had for her every time he’d see her at school, or at 7-11, or just anywhere.

He’d wake up at night and think it wall all a dream until he saw the stupid letter propped up on his nightstand, reminding him of the terrible events that had happened in the previous month.

With a sigh he picked it up, turning the lamp on to read the letter for the hundredth time.

**_Dear Taehyung,_ **

**_I know it seems selfish for me to leave this burden on you, though I know it might offer some clarity in the things that are to come, and the things that have already passed._ **

**_By now, I’m probably dead, I either jumped off the bridge, or hung myself, both which seem like good options right about now._ **

**_I’ve been ignoring you for about a month or so now, all in all, it’s been hard on me, especially when I heard your message you left the day Qiang was in the accident._ **

**_I thought I should clear some things up before I was gone for good, and you never got any answers._ **

**_The first day we met officially, on the bridge, I told you I didn’t want to see it happen again, and I meant it._ **

**_My brother, Sehun, had jumped off the bridge while I was supposed to be at school, but I’d felt ill all that morning and they sent me home early._ **

**_My brother, was pacing up and down the sidewalk, and I wanted nothing more than to shout his name and let him envelope me in a hug because I felt so ill._ **

**_But I couldn’t, I was in so much pain that day, I could barely walk home properly._ **

**_He obviously hadn’t seen me, and I didn’t think anything of it when I saw him step up on the railings._ **

**_I wasn’t even ten foot away when he jumped._ **

**_I think I screamed, and I ran, despite the pain._ **

**_I called the police, but I was too late._ **

**_The impact, plus the fact he never learned how to swim, killed him._ **

**_I really wish I could go back and save him, probably like you wish you could save me._ **

**_Morbid isn’t it? Thinking about a suicide that steamed from suicide?_ **

**_Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know anymore._ **

**_But, that’s why I saved you that night._ **

**_I thought of my brother, and when I saw you jump, something inside me snapped._ **

**_It brought back all the memories I tried to suppress, and then I ended up liking you, a lot._ **

**_Which only makes this harder._ **

**_But, that day at the museum, I really thought it would be okay for the first time in God only knows how long._ **

**_And I did want to see the exhibit with you, I longed to go, but at the time, I was in Incheon, at my dad’s funeral._ **

**_He fell asleep at the wheel, and he was drunk no less._ **

**_I think that’s when it really started panging me, when I really started to spiral out of control._ **

**_That’s what caused me to retreat into my hidey hole._ **

**_I really hope I got to tell you this before I passed away, seems weird to write that so casually, but I love you Kim Taehyung._ **

**_More than the moon._ **

**_More than the stars._ **

**_More than the feeling of not being lost when I was with you._ **

**_More than being lost in you._ **

**_I love you so much more than I could ever express, and that’s why I’m telling you that no matter what happens, even if you already have decided if you think you should or not._ **

**_Just let me go._ **

**_I’m not telling you to forget me, but let me fade, into a distant color scheme, like a grey next to a rainbow, distant, not as bright, but still there._ **

**_Remember the good times, and maybe some of the bad, remember the laughter, and when we were sad._ **

**_I would like to gift you with a parting poem from Friendship Poems from Everymans Library Pocket Poets._ **

**_Dreaming That I Went With Li And Yu To Visit Yuan Chen_ **

**_At night I dreamt I was back in Ch’ang-An;_ **   
**_I saw again the faces of old friends._ **   
**_And in my dreams, under an April sky,_ **   
**_They lead me by the hand to wander in the spring winds._ **   
**_Together we came to the village of Peace and Quiet;_ **   
**_We stopped our horses at the gate of Yuan Chen._ **   
**_Yuan Chen was sitting all alone;_ **   
**_When he saw me coming, a smile came to his face._ **   
**_He pointed back at the flowers in the western court;_ **   
**_Then opened wine in the northern summer-house._ **   
**_He seemed to be saying that neither of us had changed;_ **   
**_He seemed to be regretting that joy will not stay;_ **   
**_That our soul had met only for a little while,_ **   
**_To part again with hardly time for greeting._ **   
**_I woke up and thought him still at my side;_ **   
**_I put out my hand; there was nothing there at all._ **

**_Seems likes us, souls that met briefly, just before saying goodbye._ **

**_And it seems that I should bade you farewell for one last time._ **

**_So, goodbye Taehyung._ **

**_Please don’t join me in heaven or hell too soon, live while you can._ **

**_As Ironic as it is coming from me._ **

**_Bye._ **

Every word written on that paper, Taehyung could recite by heart at this point.

Every trace line of the ink of her pen, he could copy down exactly the same.

But every time he read it, it became something new again.

Both a love letter and a last farewell.

A beginning, and an end.

Souls lost to youth.


End file.
